And with her first round pick in the 2011 Bridesmaid Draft, Amanda has selected YOU to be one of her bridesmaids!
[wild, uproarious applause.]
Yes, that’s right. You’ve been picked as one of Amanda’s 7 bridesmaids after being scouted for several months. Now put on this pink football jersey that has the word BRIDESMAID printed on the back. And why is your jersey number 3? Because you are the third most important bridesmaid, that’s why.Have you noticed that selecting bridesmaids has become reminiscent of picking teams for kickball on the elementary school playground? What was once an easy task of asking your closest friends to stand by your side on your wedding day has become a complex and painstaking process complete with complicated rules and factors.
When I talk to bride friends and they vent to me about the bridesmaid selection process, I can totally relate.
I’m reminded of when my mom used to impose rules on me as a child like when she would say, “You can only invite 3 friends to Six Flags” or “You can have 10 girls at your birthday party.” This was always tough—I always felt so stressed. And someone usually got hurt. But such is life. I had been given a quota and Julie didn’t shop at Limited Too so she had to get cut.
You would think at bride/bridesmaid age we would have progressed and matured, but sadly the selection process is still highly dramatic. For example, there are familial issues like if the groom has a sister or if the bride has a sister. This takes up two precious slots! And what about your cousins? After all, they were there during your formative years and they taught you how to shave your legs and if you had never learned to shave your legs, you probably wouldn’t have attracted your husband. Oy! Decisions, decisions.
And the there’s a whole host of other considerations:
- The Tit for Tat Rule—She put you in her wedding party so don’t you have to put her in yours?
- The 27 Dresses Rule—She’s been in 1,000,000 weddings so she’s really good at being a bridesmaid and would throw you the shower of your dreams.
- The Life Choices Rule—She selfishly went and got pregnant and will be sporting a baby bump on your big day so she won’t be able to drink at your bachelorette party and will look like a house in your pictures. The nerve.
- The Flavor of the Week Rule—You recently became besties with a girl at work and you spend every second with her so naturally she deserves to be in your wedding. But what about your best friends from high school? From college? From summer camp? STOP BEING SO POPULAR!
So how do you decide? How do you spare people’s feelings? How do you ensure you don’t pick someone who hates being a bridesmaid?
You could follow a job interview model and have an audition process where eligible bridesmaids have 30 minutes to provide a writing sample of the perfect bridesmaid email. Or you could hire Heidi Klum, Michael Kors, and Nina Garcia to be on a judgement panel and have the girls walk down a runway in bridesmaid couture and they can decide who is in or out.
Or you could forget the rules entirely and just pick who you want?
Nah. That wouldn’t be any fun!
Follow Rachel on Twitter at @27messes