The Bridesmaid Resource. Help for a Damsel in this dress!

True Stories

Unlikely Bridesmaid Series. Original Photo by Evangeline Lane.

Unlikely Bridesmaid (A Series): Part Four – Ordering A Bridesmaid Dress

We all ordered the bridesmaid dresses from the same place at the same time, which is apparently a thing bridesmaids are supposed to do so that they’re all the exact same color or something? I guess colors are hard for dress companies? Anyway, this meant that I needed to interact with another “black-pantsuit-wearing lady” at another bridal store, this time one in South Carolina named Tammy.

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Photo Credit: Omega 1982 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Destination: Wedding

“It’s happening in a what? In a yert? What the hell is a yert?” If you have yet to be invited to a destination wedding in which the process of attending is such an arduous journey that it may be mistaken for some bourgeois NOLS trip, you will. Until then you just have to imagine the guilt-ridden mindfuck that is trying to calculate the pro’s and con’s of attending such a wedding. If in your heart of hearts you try to be a good person, but this situation can be a one-way ticket to Crazytown.

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Unlikely Bridesmaid Series. Original Photo by Evangeline Lane.

Unlikely Bridesmaid (A Series): Part Three – The “Fitting”

“I’m sorry, what the F did you just say? These are 6’s and 8’s, which are NOT my size but, in fact, sizes of my past that are now too small for me. Did The 21-year old Jackie make this appointment?” First time bridesmaid Jackie, the anti-girly girl, tries on bridesmaid dresses for the first time. This is her (hilarious) story of survival.

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Bad Bride! Better Bridesmaid.

Let’s be honest. Not all weddings have happy endings – no matter how good a bridesmaid you are. No matter how many  hours you spent writing that toast, or how many dollars you spent on the dress, bachelorette party, or that wedding perfect gift – some things are just out of your hands. This true […]

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So Long, Mom: Giving Away the Bride

I belong to a hard-to-explain “modern family,” but unfortunately no one seems to be gay or outwardly ethnic at this point. For us, “modern” could really just be replaced with “heavy on the divorces.” I don’t hide that my mom is now married to her third husband; it’s not something I’m ashamed of. I do […]

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Unlikely Bridesmaid Series. Original Photo by Evangeline Lane.

Unlikely Bridesmaid (A Series): Part One – The Email

I am a 30-year old bridesmaid virgin. When Katy asked me to be her bridesmaid, I reminded her that every step of the way, not only will I have no fucking idea what I’m doing, but I likely will be mentally living in that sweet spot right before tipping over the edge into a panic attack.

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A Decent (Wedding) Proposal

Most men of my generation really, really, really want to get the money, the girl and thwart the bad guy just like George Clooney in Ocean’s Eleven. But in reality most of us are just trying to get by on the limited skills and talent that we’ve amassed over time. In short: we aspire to be Danny Ocean, but in reality we are all just Billy Ocean. Which is why most marriage proposals are a goddamn mess.

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A Half-Jewish Groomsman Walks Into A Full Catholic Wedding…

This is a story about the time I bit the banana. One of my dearest and closest friends in the whole wide world is my friend, Becky. When Becky got engaged to her college sweetheart Jesse, I was both honored and terrified to be a member of the wedding party. I was 25 and I had never attended a wedding before and any knowledge I had of weddings usually ended with Ross saying the wrong name, or a lavish musical number with Kermit and Miss Piggy.

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What a Difference a Year Doesn’t Make

This weekend is my first real anniversary. Sure, I’ve been to fancy dinners and bought stuffed animals and made homemade cards and sung a cappella and once even bought what I considered to be a nice pair of sterling silver earrings, to demarcate the accomplishment of surviving a year pair-bonded to the same twenty-something for […]

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